Faith
“Jean?”
“No, Bobby, she's not here.” Rahne leaned over Bobby, trying to get a good look at his pupils.
“Look like...” He mumbled. A small light was aimed at his eye and he flinched. “...'S funny...”
“What is?” She pulled back and punched a few keys in the medipad.
“...'ver'thin'.”
Rahne put the light down on the dresser behind her. “I suppose it is,” she murmured gently. Clearing her throat, she turned back to her patient. “Bobby, can you tell me how you're feeling?
“Thought I saw... Y'know...?”
“Saw who, Bobby?” She frowned down at him. “Bobby?”
Bobby had already slipped back unconscious.
Paige wandered into the room, stifling a yawn. Rahne hovered over the prone form, studying the medipad as the tall, brunette woman's gaze raked over Bobby, taking in the bandages that swathed his body. "How is he?"
"Poorly." Rahne looked up at Paige. "He's been phasing in and out all night. He's got a large contusion on the back of his head, and he's riddled with cuts and bruises.” She briefly ran her fingers over his torso. “His ribs are cracked, here and here, and some of his internal organs are bruised. I'm not sure how he acquired some of these, there should be a great gaping hole in his chest for injuries like that. His system has been stretched to its limits and now that he's not on support machines, it's not coming on line the way it ought to if he were well. I don't have the knowledge to treat him here, or even the right equipment. Everything we have is so rigged," she nodded at the makeshift IV. "I don't know how much longer this will hold out, Paige."
"So what do you suggest?" Page dropped her hand lightly onto Bobby's shoulder, drawing back when he flinched in his sleep.
Rahne hesitated. "I want to take him to Muir."
"No."
“Paige, Moira's got equipment that we don't and she can treat him better that we can." Rahne protested.
Paige whirled on her. "Ah don't want to take anything from any of the X-Men. Ah made my choice long ago, and so did you."
"I'm not denying that, but Bobby didn't make that choice. D'ye want to kill him to soothe your sense of self righteousness?"
"No." Paige leaned back against a dresser and sighed. "That's not it, and you know it."
"Then what is it? Tell me so I understand, because I swear to you Paige, I can't see your reasoning from here." Rahne's strident voice softened as she tried a different tack. "I'm not saying that you have to go to Muir. I'm not even saying you have to talk to anyone there. But please, let me contact her and we'll make arrangements to drop Bobby off. You don´t have to have anything to do with it. Everything will be just fine."
Paige gave her friend a tired look. “Ah don't know. Is he critical?”
“No, he's stable for now, but who knows how long that will last?”
Paige pushed a hand through her short brown hair and sighed. “If we let them know we have him, they'll converge on us demanding to know where the others are. Ah didn't want to share that with them yet. Hell, we don´t even know for sure if we do know where they are. It´s all speculation at this point. "
"You´re being selfish!" Rahne admonished the other woman. "You're not considering anyone else but yourself."
"Ah'm considering everyone. Give me some time to think about it,
Rahne. Ah'll let you know in a bit." Paige stalked out of the room
and headed down the hall.
Jubilee lingered outside the room, watching Paige as she left. Quickly
scrubbing a fist over her eyes, she went out to the kitchen and
picked up the phone.
There is a point in your life where you're forced to make a critical decision. You´re forced to define your beliefs, for better or for worse, and it changes you. Before it happens you can believe whatever you want because you're basing it on an ideal. Afterward, you can do one of two things: accept the reality of your beliefs, or you can deny them, lying to yourself.
When those damned government agents showed me those hololiths of Logan, that was my moment. He was bonded to a wall, machines removing strips of his skin. They were laying bare the flesh beneath and pouring acid over it. Other ‘liths had him submerged, the metal being once again removed from his skeleton. Tendrils of adamantium split his skin and corkscrewed into silver columns, dripping onto what was left of his body. The one of those bastards removing his leg and allowing his body to reattach it was the worst. That was the one... 'Do you think his head will re-attach as well?' They asked me ever so innocently. Each image... the agony on his face, it just-
They claimed that they were doing it for science, to better understand the healing gene. We all knew what bullshit that was. They said they could stop the pain. They said they could return him if I would allow them one of the others in exchange.
Understand, it wasn´t as if I hadn't tried to find him before. We all had. I'd tried so damned many times myself only to run up against a wall. There wasn't a trace of him anywhere. And if one or two names from the computer would bring him back... it was hard to resist.
So when they said they wanted one of the children, I made a decision. I agreed.
In all honesty, I think I would have agreed to anything to get Logan back. But in an instant I betrayed one of my steadfastly held beliefs. Suddenly some people were worth so much more than others were, and some nameless, faceless person didn't hold a candle to Logan.
To soothe my protesting conscience, I convinced myself I could outsmart them and get Logan back without losing the kid. I convinced myself that my plan was foolproof. It wasn't and I failed. I lost the both of them. I think I've condemned myself for that much more effectively than anyone else could.
They're all waiting outside the room to look at me in mock concern and reproach me. They all know what I've done by now. How easy it is for them to judge from where they stand. Would they have done any better, I wonder, had our positions been reversed?
"Oh, God." Jean backed up against a tree and wrapped her arms around her stomach. Slowly sliding down to the ground, she placed her head against her knees and waited for the odd sensation to pass. It wasn't quite vertigo, she decided, breathing deeply, but it was close. The feeling had been with her on and off since the previous evening. She sat with her eyes closed for a while, feeling the warmth of the sun on her hair. Eventually the feeling eased and she sat up tilting her face to the sun. Jean opened her eyes and looked around her. From her vantage point, she could see the pool and the mansion. She noticed Sam and Tabitha standing by the edge of the pool, talking. Tabitha seemed to be trying to leave, but Sam kept drawing her attention back to himself. Finally Tabitha made a impatient gesture and stalked off, leaving Sam alone and dejected. After a few moments he stripped off his shirt and dived into the pool.
::I wonder what the Professor would say if he could see what we´ve become,:: she wondered, watching Sam's reedy form swim back and forth with a growing feeling of sadness. ::No, what they´ve become,:: she amended. ::We´re not part of this anymore. Scott and I left this a long time ago.:: Jean stood and began picking her way back to the mansion, her eyes roaming over the solid brick building as it loomed before her. ::This isn't home anymore,:: she realized with surprise. ::I didn't know that I still thought of it that way.:: As she passed by the pool, she waved to Sam. “Hey!”
The younger man looked up at her, startled. “Oh! H'lo Jean.”
“How are you?” Jean crouched down by the side of the pool and dipped her fingers in the water.
“Okay…” Sam began treading water in the center of the pool, watching her uncomfortably.
“Are you doing anything today?” She asked casually, playfully splashing some water at him.
He bolted backwards.
“Sam?” Jean straightened up, alarmed.
He relaxed a bit and gave her a sheepish look. “Sorry. Ah'm a bit..jumpy lately." Swimming closer to her, he rested his arms on the edge of the pool. “When Tab comes back we might go out. Ah think.”
“Oh, that's nice.” Jean eyed him carefully, not quite sure what to make of his behavior.
“Yeah.” Sam grinned at her, weakly. “It will be.” He glanced around himself distractedly, avoiding her gaze.
Jean forced a bright smile.“Yeah. Well. I´ll see you around then.”
Sam nodded and dove back under the water.
Jean watched him a moment more before turning and hurrying into the mansion. ::This isn't right,:: she thought as she pushed open the door and stepped into the kitchen. ::That's not the Sam I used to know. He used to be so cheerful and friendly. Now it seems like he follows Tabitha around like a shadow.:: Jean's mind raced as she looked around her and realized that the familiar faces that had once roamed the mansion's halls weren´t all that familiar any more. There was something different about them, as if the ones that hadn't become hard over the last ten years had become broken. She glanced at a pair of teens sitting at the table, remembering that Kurt had mentioned that they were the St. Croix twins. Their expressions were carefully blank as they watched her move through the room. Kurt himself had been very cold ever since their arrival. It was almost if he were a stranger. Scott had been upset by that, until she'd pointed out that he was treating everyone the same way. Like he needed to protect himself.
::But protect himself from what?:: Jean shivered as a chill ran down her spine. Suddenly, the need to be near Scott was overwhelming. She ran her hands down her arms and headed out of the kitchen, catching a sympathetic glance from one of the girls as she went.
“Kitty?” Scott popped his head into the medlab. “Are you awake?”
A pale arm waved him in. Kitty lay in bed, a bored expression on her face. Scott ambled over to the chair beside her bed and settled into it. “How are you feeling?
Kitty shrugged.
“Yeah, I can understand that.” He leaned closer to her. “Everyone´s worried about you out there, you know. You gave them a bit of a shock.”
“Mmm.” She rolled her eyes and turned away from him.
“Hey, don't look at me like that. Remember me, Cyclops, former leader of the X-Men? I've got some idea of that you're going through. I know it's hard being the one making decisions. I know that the rest of the team doesn't always get it. But they rely on you to be there for them. You knocked them for a hell of a loop.”
“So?” Kitty shifted in the bed, propping herself up against the pillows with a resigned air. “And you're here to prop me back up, I suppose?”
Scott sighed. “Look, I know this has been difficult. It always is. When you make a call and everything works out, it can be the best feeling in the world. Less so if it doesn't. But you know, you're usually harder on yourself that anyone else when things go wrong. How can you not be, really? You made the decision. You had to weigh all of the factors and see what the best solution would be.” He rubbed the back of his neck and stood. “And sometimes you don't have time to do that. It's a lucky guess, a long shot. But that's your job.”
Scott felt the younger woman's gaze follow him as he crossed over to the windows. Gazing out, he watched Sam swim laps in the pool below. “Everyone else, they can't appreciate your position. They don't really understand what it's like until they're in your shoes. How can they? They don't really realize how difficult those decisions are. Yeah, you've stopped the big bad evil, but at what cost?” He turned back to her. “You've done a good job, Kitty. ”
“Yeah, well.” Kitty´s hand plucked at the blanket. She ducked her head when he tried to meet her eyes, looking everywhere but where he stood.
“It's difficult being in charge. Sometimes it helps to be able to discuss it with others.” He shrugged. “Sometimes it doesn't. When Ororo and I were both leading the teams, she didn't understand why I decided to do some things and not others. She never understood some of my more personal decisions. Looking back on it, they usually weren't my best ones. But you learn from them.”
He crossed back over to the side of her bed. “Everyone's kind of confused right now. They're trying to understand why you didn't tell them that the others might still be alive so that they could try to find them.” Scott's brow wrinkled a little. “To be honest, I don't either, really. I'd like to though. And they're not blaming you for anything either. They're just really worried about you. We're your friends, Kitty. We want to help.”
Kitty's spine became rigid and her hands stilled. “Get out, Scott.” She turned away from him in dismissal.
“All right.” Scott went to the door. “But if you want to talk, Kitty...”
“Fine.”
Scott shut the door quietly behind him and went up to his room. His head ached.
The phone rang. Absentmindedly, Scott picked it up.
“H'lo?”
The line was quiet for a moment. “...Scott?”
He frowned, not recognizing the voice. “Who is this?”
“It's Jubilee. I need to ask you something.”
I'm sitting here with my head in my hands trying to convince myself that what I've done was wrong.
It's not working out real well.
The air is cold out here on the fire escape, but there's too damn many people inside. The apartment wasn't meant to hold that many people. There's no peace, no privacy, nowhere to be alone, even for a moment.
I went in there, and I intentionally killed those men. It was a rush, I could feel the energy move through me. I don't regret what I've done, and I know I should.
The first time I killed someone, I was a wreck. That had been an accident- I'd only meant to block her, not pierce her throat. I cried for days afterward. Right now I can't even bring myself to be upset.
Jesus, when did a life begin to mean so little to me? I know that there had to have been a better way to get this done with the resources at hand. Hell, we had two more bodies than we usually do. I could have planned it another way. But that's the job. We all know what we´re getting ourselves into when we sign up. Death is a definite possibility.
How cold that sounds.
Bobby's safe. I want to savor that knowledge.
Of course, according to Rahne I'm trying to kill him as well.
I'm being unreasonable, and I know it. I know that we don't have the proper equipment here. We're working on a shoestring. We sunk everything into leasing the offices and the computers and we've got to get out of here soon. They have to know where we are by now. Shit. I don't know how we're going to do this.
Never mind. I'll worry about that later, after we get Bobby taken care of. We should send Ange to Muir with him. Yeah. Heh. There´s a plan. Get them both out of here and somewhere safe. That's important.
Angelo's here. I don't know how to deal with that. I was so angry, I am so angry at what they'd done to him. He shouldn't have been involved. But then, how stupid am I for having gone to see him? I just couldn't stay away, could I? I couldn't resist seeing him.
Something else is bothering me as well. How convenient was it that Ev and Jubilee turned up at Angelo's church? They just up and decided to visit their friend Angelo when I saw them in Dallas no more then a week ago?
Maybe I'm grasping at straws.
Jubilee is more than upset. She said she was okay, but she's not. Ev will take care of her though. I look at the pair of them and I envy them. They've always had each other. But this thing with Bobby… Rahne looked her over, treated her for a little frostbite, but she can't heal all of it. Not what's inside her head.
I need to go back in and deal with my problems. But I think I'm going to sit here a while longer and enjoy the quiet.
“Hello, Luv.” Pete swung into the chair Scott had so recently left vacant.
“You didn't tell them,” Kitty said colorlessly.
He shook his head. “No. I didn't see the need to.”
“Why?”
The question hung in the air for a moment before Pete let out a gusty sigh. “Because they don't need the extra ammunition.” He stood and crossed the room. “Brian wants to remove you from the council. He said something about having Theresa in your place.”
Kitty stared at the ceiling. “Theresa.” She let out a strained cackle. “Hell, that's appropriate.”
“It's really more the fit you had than anything.” Pete grimaced, “Although I don't doubt that he's heard some lurid things. So far as they know, you´ve just withheld information. Rumors, really, if you want to paint them as such. No real reason to-”
“Just... just stop it, Pete.” Kitty's tired voice cut across the room. “Stop making it look so simple.”
He fell silent, giving up the charade. “All right then. D'you know what yer going t'do?”
Kitty pushed herself up against the pillows. “Not yet. I almost wish you had told them.” She waved her hand at the chair he was in. “Scott was here. He said pretty much the same thing. Tried to give me a pep talk and get me to do some leader bonding.” She made a disgusted sound. “So that's it then? I step down and Teresa is put up in my place?”
“It's not exactly like that...” He mumbled.
“No?”
Pete had the good grace to look uncomfortable as he made his way back to the side of the bed. “It's already happened. Not officially, Terry's just been named as interim leader while you´re out, but it's as good as.”
“I see.” Kitty's face lost all of its expression.
Pete sat down and leaned forward. “Brian could be talked ‘round, Kit. Nothing's set in stone.”
“No. I'm not going to beg for anything,” she said dully. “Well, that's that then.”
Pete's hand crept over hers on the bed and squeezed. After a moment, the smaller hand underneath it slowly turned over and gripped it tightly.
“Hey.”
Paige lifted her head and saw Angelo trying to climb through the window. He still had a large bandage perched over his right eye, but he looked much better than he had previously. “What the hell are you doing? You´re going to hurt yourself.” She crawled over to the window and tried to help him through.
“Naaaah. I'll make it.” His fingers shot across the fire escape, wrapping themselves around the rail on the other side. Slowly he pulled himself through, wincing quietly.
“Idiot.” The word dropped good naturedly from Paige's lips as she reached over and wrapped her arm around him. “You're not supposed to be out of bed yet,” she reproved as he bumped into her shoulder. She crawled partway into the apartment and snagged his crutch, which had been abandoned unceremoniously on the floor. “Here.” She handed it to him.
“Eh.” He tossed it aside again and settled down beside her, rustling around in his pockets.
“Now what are ya doin'?”
“Looking for these.” He grinned widely and he produced a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.
Paige grabbed them from him. “Give me those.” She tapped on the end of the pack gently.
“Since when do you smoke?” Angelo asked with an eyebrow raised.
“A while.” She lit one and took a long draw before handing the pack back to Angelo.
“Huh. I seem to remember someone lecturing me about the evils of smoking.”
“Yeah?” Paige blew as cloud of smoke into the air. “Must have been Monet. Ah'd never do such a thing.”
Angelo snorted. “Whatever you say.”
She smirked at him. “Ah knew you'd see it my way.”
Angelo settled back against the rail. “So, what's goin' on in there?”
Paige gave him a wary look. “Not much different from what you already know.”
“Yeah? Wanna tell me what Ev and Jubes are doin'here?”
“Ya haven't seen them yet?” Paige sounded somewhat puzzled.
Angelo shook his head. “Not really. Spent most of the day sleepin'and Jubes has been kinda upset since you all got back...” He trailed off.
Paige´s face became closed. “Huh.”
“Paige, why is Jubilee so upset?” Angelo prodded gently.
“There...was a problem. With Bobby.”
“Is that it?”
“What else do you want to know?”
“Something. Anything. I don´t know.”
“...”
Angelo made a frustrated noise. “You trust me that little?”
“Ah'm not the same innocent li'l country mouse you used to know.” Paige looked away from him, over the edge of the fire escape.
“Where the hell did that come from?” He gave her an incredulous look. “Maybe I'm not the same person I was the last time you saw me either, Paige. Ever think of that? That maybe, just maybe in the past twelve years I'd become more responsible? More of an adult?” He lit a cigarette and stared at it. “Y'know,” he began slowly, “when you came to talk to me the other night I thought that you were starting to have some faith in me again, that you were going to let me in. Dios , why is it so hard for you to trust me? You used to.”
Paige laughed bitterly. “Ah used to do a lot of things Ah don't do anymore. Maybe the problem isn't you.”
“What?”
“Maybe the problem is that Ah can't trust you. Or anyone. That makes the problem me.”
“That is such bullshit, Paige.”
“Is it?” She picked at her hand, tearing off small shreds of skin. “Look... Ah'll do my best. Just don't expect a miracle, all right?”
“All I'm asking for is for you to believe in me a little.” Ange tossed the cigarette over the side of the fire escape and poked her in the ribs, playfully.
Paige wrinkled her nose at him. “Ah said Ah'll try.”
“That's all I want right now. So, are we friends again, then?” His large hand covered hers, stilling them.
“Friends.” Paige nodded her head slowly. “Ah think Ah can do that.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Paige stood with a groan and stretched. “God, Ah'm not looking forward to this.”
“Hm?” Angelo began to rise to his feet.
Paige looped an arm around his waist and helped him up. “We're going to send Bobby to Muir. Ah have to tell Rahne that.”
Angelo gave her a knowing look, but let it go. “Help me inside?”
“Sure.”
“No. You don't have to do that.”
Rahne frowned at Jubilee. “Sending him to Muir is the best thing we can do for him right now. I would think you'd agree with that.”
Jubilee shook her head. “No. No it's not. Not yet anyway. I called…” She shifted uncomfortably. “I called Jean and Scott. They're in Westchester. They're going to get a hold of Hank and send him here. He can at least go to Muir with Bobby.”
Paige stood in the kitchen beside Angelo. “You did what?”
“Calling Hank is the very least you could have done,” Jubilee insisted stubbornly. “Aside from being Bobby´s best friend, he was his doctor for years.”
“No. Ah'm not arguing that.”
“You let them know where we are,” Rahne explained.
“They know that already.” Jubilee stated bluntly. “We were on our way here to begin with when we ran into you at the church.”
“Shit. Ah knew it.” Paige ran a hand through her hair. “How did you find out?”
“Kitty-“
Rahne cut Jubilee off. “There will be enough time for that later. When is Hank supposed to arrive?”
“Soon. He was on his way here, anyway." Jubilee held her hands up before her in a defensive stance. "LA, I mean, not specifically here. They didn't have that information...” Her voice trailed off and she looked at the door as if she expected Hank to knock on it at any second.
Surprisingly enough, he did.
“Scott?”
The door to their bedroom creaked open and Jean stepped in. “There you are.”
Scott stared at the phone for a moment more before looking up. “Oh, hey, sorry. You were looking for me?”
“Yeah, but it's nothing m- What's wrong?” Jean went over to him and ran her hand down his arm.
He took her hand in his. “Jean.. You know how you said last night you felt a familiar presence?”
“Yeeeesss...?”Jean looked up at him, puzzled.
“Who did it feel like?”
She ducked her head and looked down at their conjoined hands. “Well, I... I don't know exactly. It was familiar in a close friend, non-threatening kind of way, but it didn't really match up with anyone in particular like Hank or Alex or..”
“...or Bobby?”
Jean brought her head up rapidly.“ Scott?”
“They found Bobby last night, Jean.”
“Oh my God.”
Scott pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. “Shh. It's okay. Everything´s going to be okay. I just talked to Jubilee. She's out in California with Paige. They broke Bobby out of some kind of lab. There's all sorts of...really fucked up shit going on out there right now.” He rubbed his hand over the small of her back.
“Is he all right?” Jean´s voice was muffled by his shoulder.
“Jubilee said that he's… He´s in really tough shape, Jean. They're talking about sending him to Muir so Moira can treat him. I talked to Hank over the psilink and he's already on his way there.”
“We should go too.” Jean pulled away from him and began to rummage through their dresser.
“No.”
“No? Why not?” She whirled around, a wild, confused look lit her eyes.
“Jubilee pointed out that Paige is going to be upset enough when Hank arrives,” Scott soothed, coming up beside her. “If we show up as well, it'll only spook her some more and God only knows what she'll do. I know you're worried about him. I am too. But Hank will take care of him. You can ask him for yourself,” he teased gently.
“No, no.” Jean turned back to the dresser and began to place the clothes back in it. “I'm sure you're right.”
“Jean..”
“No. It's okay.” She gave him a brittle smile, her eyes suspiciously bright. “You're right. I know you're right. It just... I want to be there, Scott. I want to be there for him.” She started crying in earnest, tears running down her face faster than she could wipe them away with the back of her hand. “Oh, God...”
Hank stood in the hallway gazing at the rather militant looking brunette who stood blocking the doorway. “May I come in, Paige?”
“I don't really have much of a choice right now, do I?” Paige moved aside, so that the older man could get by.
Hank walked past her into the apartment. Jubilee stood just inside the doorway and pulled him into a hug as soon as he was inside. He returned it distractedly. “I'm so glad you're here,” she whispered into his ear.
Hank nodded. Across the room Rahne beckoned to him. “Come with me,” she said quietly.
She led him through the oddly quiet apartment and down the hall, pausing outside a door near the end. “I'll wait out here until you need me. I've left all the medipad printouts on the dresser, the one on top is from an hour ago.”
“Thank you.” Hank hesitated a moment with his hand on the doorknob before entering. Shutting the door quietly behind him, he walked over to Bobby's bedside, gazing at the thin, pale figure that lay there.
A quiet sob broke the silence, followed by another as the large man crumpled in on himself.
“Are you going t' go with them?” Paige had re-entered the living room and stood by the door. Angelo was curled up in a chair nearby, watching all of them with a carefully blank expression on his face.
Ev looked up at her in surprise. “What?”
“Ah asked what your plans were, if you were gonna go to Muir with Henry and Bobby.”
“We hadn't planned to,” he said, carefully.
Paige cocked her head to the side. “What are ya planning to do, then.?”
“That depends.” He looked down at Jubilee, his eyes searching hers. “But I don't think we're going back to Westchester.”
Paige nodded slowly. “All right.”
Rahne stood in the hall doorway. “Simon? Could you open up a ‘port to Muir. I left the coordinates in the pad beside the desk.”
“Sure.” The youth emerged from a shadow beside the refrigerator and began tapping the codes into the computer.
“Do you need me to help you with Bobby?” Everett offered.
Rahne smiled wanly. “Thank you, Everett, but I think we're okay.” She stepped aside and Patrick and Hank carried Bobby out into the room, lying limply on a makeshift pallet.
“Are we ready?” Hank asked. A portal opened in front of him and he stepped through it, carefully balancing the stretcher.
Rahne followed them over to the portal. “I'm going with them. Moira will need to know more about his current condition than Hank can tell her. I'll be right back," she promised Paige, and stepped through.
The remaining group watched the portal close. Paige turned to Everett and Jubilee. “So. Are you in or out?”
Jubilee looked up at her husband and nodded.
“In.” Everett stretched out his hand to Paige.
She took it.
~End Arc 1~
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