Potential Realization
It's always interesting, seeing what happened to the kids you went to school with. Who they are now, what they've become. Sometimes you run into them at the store, see a blurb about them in the local paper: local man makes good, donates to poor. Cheerleading Prom Queen Discovered as Kingpin of Cocaine Rring. That sort of thing. Sometimes they even turn up on the six o'clock national news while you eat dinner.
Like right now I'm watching the former love of my life take hostages at an Irish airport. Standing on the runway, looking like she's made of steel, her right arm spewing some electric laser beam, she knocks off the would be heroes easily. She's good at what she does, you have to admit that. But then, we always knew she'd succeed at whatever she tried. If you'd asked me at the beginning who I'd have nominated for most likely to be an international terrorist I'd have probably picked Jono or M. But Paige, never in a million.
It was Jono's... Dios , Jono. I held her the night he left, I held her the night she left.
It was Paige's 18th. We all went out and got trashed. We were young, we were free, we were X-Men and still alive, so what the hell. Who cared if we were underage. Paige and Jono had been together for a year, maybe a bit more, and they were happy. Paige was happy. That's what mattered most it seemed. Her brother Sam had been damn near killed the year before in a fight the X-Men had with Sentinels. Nothing unusual about that, seems like we got hit by them at least once a week. They tried to keep us kids out of it as best they could. Anyway, Sam got careless and he got hurt. Scared the hell out of Paige. She spent all the time she could at his bedside and then clung to Jono for weeks afterward. She seemed to fade away into her own little world for a while there. Jono did his best to try to cheer her up, reassure her that everything would be okay. We all did, but Jono was the only one she'd have anything to do with. You could see her draining him, and he got sucked into her depression with her. He'd try to talk to me- not about Paige and her problems, but about normal stuff, mostly music. The conversations had a desperate quality to them. Everyone kept telling him he was doing the right thing by helping Paige, but they all forgot that he'd had problems of his own and might need help dealing. Eventually Sam got better and Paige got better, but no one noticed as Jono got worse. The three of us would go out and screw around, sometime drag the other kids, but usually not. We got on better alone. The beauty, the beast and the jester, that was us.
Mira - there. That purple chica? That's Betsy Worthington, Psylocke. Paige shouldn't be able to take her out. The woman has more powers than Ev could ever have synched into at once. And yet. She's studied the X-Men, inside and out. She knows their strengths and weaknesses and plays off them. She managed to get full copies of Xavier's files before she left and I don't doubt that she's managed to keep them updated. The only thing that sidetracks her is when she's faced up against any of us, Ev, Jubilee, M. Even Leech and Artie. She doesn't cut and run, per say, but she manages to get herself out of there as quickly as she can without having to deal with any former GenXers in person. Once Jubecita got too close, so she lured her into a bank vault and locked her in there. Jubilee is not going to forget that one any time soon.
Jono was my best friend. He knew I loved Paige. I knew Paige loved Jono. I knew Jono loved Paige. More importantly, I knew he needed her to feel normal. It was that simple. And so we never said anything about it. Never did anything about it. It was just there, knowledge that would never be used. Sure we would kid around, I'd flirt a bit, crack a crude joke or two, anything to get a reaction from her, but we were friends. Nothing more. I think she must have known how I felt though. Sometimes she'd look at me and…
I've wondered if we had stayed home, if we hadn't gotten drunk, if we'd kept our goddamn mouths shut and not started talking about the future, if everything would have been all right. Probably not. It would have surfaced later. But maybe we could have controlled it then. On the way back we got talking about what an idiot Xavier was and how his heart was in the right place but his cabeza was all screwed up. There'd been some serious injuries since Sam had been hurt. Kurt, Ororo, and Rogue had all taken some hard hits, Scott had been blinded. Xavier's leadership skills were crumbling. Jono'd been pretty quiet about the whole thing, had been quiet about everything for the past month or more. He didn't say too much about it. Paige got all defensive about "The Dream" and started moralizing about how we all needed to work together even more now than ever. Jono tried to make peace, but I had to make some wise ass crack about how it was Xavier's Dream that put her brother in traction. I don't know what the hell I was thinking to this day. From there the argument got personal, the two of us too drunk to try to stop ourselves, we shredded each other with our words and the odd fist. Finally Paige broke down crying. She screamed at me how she wished she were normal. How she wished we all were normal and how if we were, Sam and all of her friends would never have been hurt. Jono tried to comfort her but she shrugged him off crying hysterically. He withdrew from her as if in pain. I yelled at her, trying to come to grips with what she'd said, telling her that we were what we were and she'd better damn well deal with it. Jono swung at me then, laying me flat. He helped me up and apologized, but I was the one who really needed to apologize, and I just couldn't do it.
It was decided that we needed to walk back to the school to try to sober up and cool off. We wandered around the backroads for a while, Paige finally calmed down. I was still trying to understand what had just happened, Paige had always been the one who wanted to be a mutant and had been happy to be one. I couldn't reconcile the new Paige with the old. Paige kept avoiding Jono, clutching her arms around her body tightly. We ended up next to an empty field about a mile from home. The road beside us was deserted and the stars shone bright in the sky. Jono stopped behind us, looked at the sky and appeared to come to a decision. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me and I tried to stop him. God knows I tried. But he silenced me and told me to take care of Paige for him. Paige tried to reason with him, but he gathered her in his arms and held her tight. He kissed her before he released her and told her he loved her. She cried out his name and tried to follow him, but he stopped her too. We stood helpless on the side of the road, unable to move as he walked to the center of the field and in a flash of psionically charged light disappeared. He must have just let go and burned up on his own energy. When the light disappeared, we were released and Paige ran to where we'd last seen him. I walked slowly because I knew he was gone. I found Paige lying on the ground, numb. I pulled her into my arms and held her there. She never cried. She never said a word.
Going back to the school and explaining what had happened was a blur. I don't fully remember it. I remember Sean being horrified and Emma spinning around inside of my mind, trying to figure out exactly what had happened. I didn't care. My best friend had gone. It was weird, you know? I'd lost so many friends before this, and I dealt. Life goes on. But this was so different. My mind was so quiet. It took me a long time to get used to it, no sarcastic British voice invading my mind, mocking my music, explaining why I don't need to put another hole in my head, asking if I thought he should put some effort into figuring out exactly what it is he could do with his powers. I tried to hold conversations with him in my head, but he wasn't there and I couldn't do it by myself.
She dashes up the runway, knocking down whoever gets in her way. A wall of fire rages up before her, but that won't stop her. Poor kid who started the fire won't stop her either. New kid, young, judging by the uniform. A lot like ours were. She goes flying. Didn't get out of Paige's path fast enough. She didn't even hit her really, just shoved her out of her way. I still don't understand why they show these things live. Don't they know she's got a transmission uplink and can use anything they broadcast against them? I've done my research on her too. She taught me that much.
Paige came to me a month after Jono's death and we became lovers. Both of us were reacting out of loss and pain, and I still loved her for who I thought she was, who she had been. She missed Jono and I think was trying to absolve herself of some guilt she felt over his death. She wouldn't talk about Jono ever. If I tried, she'd find some way of quieting me and I'd go along with it, wanting to appease her, willing to do anything to keep her with me. She became sullen and brooding. She kept changing her appearance from day to day, sometimes blonde, sometimes brunette, but never exactly like herself. Eventually she gained control over her powers so that not only could she take any material form she wanted but she could appear to be anyone she wished. She nearly brought the house down around us one night by imitating Emma. She left shortly after that.
She dives through some sort of portal that appears onscreen, it closes behind her. She's got a small organization backing her up, mostly made up of mutants who were Xavier's students and were failed by the dream one point or another. She's a born leader, always has been.
The last time we were together was the night she left. Standing in my doorway with a bag, silhouetted by the dormitory lights she told me that she had to leave and to do some thinking. That she couldn't do it here and that maybe I was right. About what, she wouldn't tell me. She smiled and said I'd figure it out. Then she shut the door and climbed into bed with me. In the morning she was gone.
The rest of the team broke up shortly after. Some of us went into other teams: Jubilee went back to the X-Men taking Ev with her, Monet and I went on to college. I never thought I'd end up in college. To tell the truth I never thought I'd graduate high school. But Xavier's paid for the whole thing so I went. Wandered around Europe for a while on Emma's ticket, tried to better myself. Heh.Only visited London once and that was enough. I came home, here to the barrio.
Watching her on the screen, fighting against some of her former friends and teammates, I can't help wondering how she is. What she's thinking. If she's thought about me at all. It's been more than ten years since we last spoke. She's not the girl I knew, the one who would lead the X-Men. I understand that. But to see her there…
I don't do the superhero thing any more. I don't run around with a huge X on my chest and fight superpowered bad guys. I do what I can here as Padre Angelo and maybe that's hero enough. Not that I don't take advantage of my abilities, sneaking guns away from gang members when they're not looking, occasionally changing my appearance to avoid being caught. I've offered sanctuary to those in need in my church and hopefully saved a few lives, kids like I was. Like I could have been.
I wish she were here instead. I've figured it out.
I know who I am. Does she?
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