The Anatomy of A Metamorph
"Maaaaaaaan. Can we watch TNT or something? I think they're showing 'Top Gun'. PLEASE guys?"
"Hey, this was your idea Jubilee. Besides, I want to see the rest of this."
"Me too. Although..Tom Cruise, Kitty."
"See, Paige wants to see 'Top Gun' too! And where'd you get the idea that it was my idea to rent this? I'm getting tired of all these old movies." Jubilee slouched down in her chair and glared at the television screen where Jimmy Stewart was stalking across a courtroom.
"Like you weren't only like two when 'Top Gun' came out..." Kitty Pryde popped a handful of popcorn in her mouth. "Anyway," she said swallowing painfully, "It is too your idea. You said you wanted to rent 'Roman Holiday' and then we agreed that we'd rent older..."
"Um, no. I'll admit I wanted to see 'Roman Holiday' 'cause it's mentioned in that blasted song the hayseed likes so much.."
"Hey! Ah'll have you know 'Valentine' is a perfectly good song, and it's not like ya don't have an MP3 of it in your own computer, Lee." Paige shot a kernel at the girl across from her.
"I'm not disputing the quality of the song. It's a good song," Jubilee defended, "It's just I never signed on to spend the rest of my Friday nights watching ol' Fred and Sporty-"
"Ginger."
"Whatever. It's a Spice Girl. Anyway, I wanna see hot guys in no shirts and explosions, not fricking ballroom dancing."
Paige and Kitty exchanged glances. "I am NOT sitting through 'Con Air' again," declared Kitty.
"Ah don't care if John Cusack is gorgeous. Nic Cage ain't. Ah mean seriously, "Whay couldn't yew put tha bunny down" ain't art." Paige made a disgusted face. "His accent was worse than mine an' Rogue's!"
"Fine. But I'm not watchin' any more of these. How 'bout a horror flick?"
"Uhmmmmmmm." Kitty got a crafty look in her eyes. "We could watch 'The Fly'."
Jubilee was too smart for that. "Yeah, the one with Jeff Goldblum." She grinned as she watched Kitty's face fall. "Oh, c'mon, Pryde. Have a little."
"Fine. 'sides, I always liked the makeup and special effects in that. I mean, yeah, sure, they're cheesy, but they're fun. Especially as he's changing into the fly. That's just..ick. How can that be comfortable with your body changing shape like that?" Kitty shuddered.
"Yeah!" Jubes poked her head over the armrest. "How is that, Paige?"
Paige flushed. "It's fine."
"Really?" Kitty asked interestedly.
"Yeah..." The blonde girl shifted restlessly on the couch.
Kitty was immediately contrite. "If we're making you uncomfortable...?"
"No, no...Ah'm fine," Paige assured her.
"Good!" Jubilee's face split into an immense grin. "'Cause, see, like, I've always wanted to ask you something. You can change into any shape you want, right?"
"Yeeeeessss..."
"So could you like, change into a guy? With, y'know, fully functional parts?"
"JUBILEE!" Kitty launched herself at the girl and covered her mouth with her hand. Jubilee promptly bit her and she recoiled, shaking the injured palm. "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to, Paige."
"Sure she does!" Jubilee protested. "It's not like you don't wanna know, too."
"That's not the point-"
"No, Ah'll answer that..." Paige said in a quiet voice. She looked both mortified and amused. "It's..Um, it's like..."
"C'mon, spill!" Jubilee prompted, causing Paige to flush even redder.
"Ah can 'husk' into things that ah can imagine..that Ah can see in mah head. Like I can do the whole laser beam arm thing, 'cause Ah know what it's 'sposed to look like an' do. Y'see?"
Kitty nodded.
Jubilee frowned. "Yeah, but can you do the guy thing?"
"Um. Sort of. Ah mean..." Paige sounded like she was being strangled. "Ah can make mahself look like a guy but... Ahcan'tgetthepartstowork'causeAhdon'tknowHOWtheywork," she rushed out in one breath.
"Ohhhhh. Huh. I betcha Ange would show you how. 'Course he'd probably show ya how to do a few other things as well..."
"JUBILEE!"
"Sorry Paige," the girl apologized insincerely.
"Did I hear my name?" Angelo popped his head into the room and was promptly hit with a barrage of pillows.
"No!"
"OUT! Get out!"
"Fine. Fine. You can't handle having such a good-looking hombre in the same room with you, that's fine. I've got other things to do."
Kitty crept out of her chair and watched Ange disappear down the hall. When he was gone she shut the door, locked it behind her and started giggling uncontrollably. Soon all three girls we laughing hysterically.
"Oh Mah..."
"Gee Paige, Ya shoulda asked him if..if..heeheehee.."
::WHUMP::
Jubilee took a couch cushion in the face.
"Hee..."
"Okay. I get why you can't do it, but if you knew how to, you could, right?"
"Right."
"She's just limited by her imagination, more or less."
"Yeah, I got that. So like, Mystique must know how everything works, 'cause isn't she supposed to be somebody's father, or something?"
"She's a parent to half the people we know it seems, but you're thinking of Kurt, and it's 'Or Something'. He's confused about the whole thing himself," Kitty muttered.
"Now that's somethin' Ah never could understand. It's just not possible that she could be his father! Even if she got all the parts working, how could she..she make the.."
"Sperm?" Jubilee leered at the blonde, "Jeez Guthers, no one would ever think that you're a farm girl. Didn't you grow up raising pigs or something?"
Paige shot Jubilee a dirty look. "It's just not possible!" She insisted.
Kitty hemmed. "Well, I never really thought about it all that much, but I can see your point."
"Yeah, but if she only has to imagine it..."
"And how would you imagine it, Lee?" Kitty shot back, "With little round eggs hatching into smileyfaced-"
Paige plunked her bowl of popcorn on the floor and stood. "That's it. Ah'm outta here." Face on fire, she fled the room.
"Lookit whatcha did, Pryde." Jubilee took advantage of Kitty's outraged paralysis and swiped the remote. She quickly clicked the VCR off and soon Tom Cruise's smiling visage filled the screen. "Much better."
"Why you-" Kitty broke off as Tom stripped out of his shirt. She tore her gaze away from the television and absentmindedly shot another pillow at Jubilee. "Think she'll come back?"
"Sure. Tom." Jubilee pointed.
"Tom," Kitty agreed and settled back, relieved that she didn't have to finish the other movie. Tom was just infinitely superior in her opinion.
She just didn't have to tell that to Jubes.
-fin-
Notes: The song in question is "Valentine" by Shades Apart and is a totally kickass little ditty, especially for the classic film lover who prefers her modern rock station. Mmmm. And I'm sure you've guessed that given the story title, the classic movie was "Anatomy of a Murder." I didn't care for it either, although it's supposedly excellent. Give me "Philadelphia Story" or "Vertigo" any day.
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