The Mind of a Hayseed
In an empty theater, a movie projector quietly clicked on and began to softly whirr to life. A film began to unspool, splashing the screen in the pastel hues of a fairytale realm.
Lady Paige danced across the screen in a whirl of satiny skirts and gentle laughter. Surrounded by singing birds and fuzzy bunny rabbits, she soon came to the edge of a clear pool of water and dropped to her knees beside it, admiring her own reflection.
“Oh, I do hope Prince Jono will go riding today!” She sighed, trailing her fingers delicately through the water. The motion created gentle ripples throughout the pool, distorting Lady Paige’s reflection unflatteringly.
“Eh?” Out in the audience, a quiet rustling noise began to filter through the empty theater.
Paige leaned back, tossing her long, shining, blonde hair over her shoulder and stared dreamily at the sky. “I miss him so. Someday, when he is King, I will be his Queen an’ we will rule all of Mutainia.” Happy, her eyes drifted shut and a slow smile spread across her face. In the distance, the rythmic pounding of horse's hooves could be heard. At that, Lady Paige quickly stood, smoothing her dress and hair as she gazed off into the woods with an eager expression.
A small, dark-haired head peeped over a sticky theater seat and frowned at the screen. “What is this crap?”
The camera panned to reveal a strong white stallion racing toward the clearing. Astride the creature was Prince Jono, garbed in a pale blue ensemble.
Jubilee choked. “Oh. My. God. That is too funny. What is this? And what’s with Paige?” Jubilee pushed herself upright in her seat. Reaching behind her, to pitch an empty Raisinet box into the aisle when it jabbed her in the back.
He dismounted and strode over to Lady Paige. His hair slicked back into a greasy coif and his bandages a creamy ivory, he took her into his arms. Paige suddenly remembered to look demure and dropped her gaze to the ground, a pale blush rising in her cheeks.
::At last I have found you, milady. I’ve searched for you high an’ low::
“Oh Prince Jono, I’ve been here all morning.”
::Ah, Paige. Has anyone ever told you…::
Jubilee began to giggle madly. “This is SO cheesy. I can't believe this. It's gotta be a joke.” She craned her neck as she searched the theater, and shrugged when she realized that it was empty. "Too funny," she mumbled.
Paige and Jono stared soulfully into each other’s eyes.
“Yes, Jono..?”
Their heads began to dip toward each other.
“Ah, young love.”
The young lovers pulled apart abruptly to reveal Angelo, dressed in the colorful uniform of a court jester, sitting on a low branch of a nearby tree.
“Don’t mind me, muchachos.” He made shooing motions with his hands. “Go on, go on. But tell me Jono, is that a loco pollo in your pants or are you just happy to see her?”
“Aaaaaange!” Paige flushed a bright red.
::Angelo, why don’t you go...::
Ange cut Jono off. “No can do. I just came to tell you that King Cassidy and Queenie Frost are looking for you and your fine lady here.” He jerked a thumb in Paige’s direction. “And if you don’t want to be confined to your quarters for the next few festivals you’ll get going.” Hopping off his perch he strolled off toward the woods, whistling tunelessly as the bells on his tunic jingled.
“But, where are you goin’ Ange?” Paige hovered at Jono’s side with a vaguely concerned expression on her face.
He looked back over his shoulder with a smart-aleck grin. “To Camelot!” Producing a pair of coconut shells, he took off in a cloud of dust, clapping them together.
Jono and Paige gazed at each other miserably. Abruptly, Jono glanced at his watchless wrist.
::Hey, now, look at the time. Must be going, luv:: He began backing off toward his horse. The scene fadeed out amid a a wash of blue.
Jubilee was doubled over in her seat, clutching her stomach as raucous laughter poured from her. Slowly recovering, she propped her feet up on the back of the seat in front of her, and pulled a can of Jolt out of her coat pocket. “Might as well make myself comfy ‘til I figure this out,” she chuckled.
The new scene burst onto the screen in a flash of light and noise. Three purple suited villains stood atop a tractor trailer, taking shots at the populace with some sort of laser gun.
//Okay, gotta do this right. I’m the leader.// Husk raced across the screen. “Skin, y’got that set?”
The camera flashed to Skin, who was crouched behind tractor trailer, playing with explosives. “Almost! Gimme a sec.”
“I haven’t got it! Any time now…” Husk turned around and found herself nose to nose with M.
“May I suggest that Synch ties into my powers so that we can…”
The sky lit suddenly with Chamber's signature bio-blast. The outpouring of psionic power managed to knock two of the villains from their perch.
Husk shook her head. "That wasn't supposed to.. M. Can you and Synch go stop those two?"
She barely registed the rolling of M's eyes as she flew off.
“Got it P- Husk!”
The cab of the tractor trailer exploded, knocking the last of the suits down. Jubilee watched the following battle montage avidly, cheering when Synch managed to stop one of the villains by setting him on top of a lamppost, sobering when she watched herself render one of the suits unconscious with her pyrotechnics and quickly checking to make sure no one saw her.
“I remember that.” Jubilee mused quietly. “I think my hair was shorter then, though.”
Onscreen, Husk scrubbed a hand through her translucent blue hair. "That went well, I think.”
The camera quickly cut to a small room, filled with with the sugary sweet signs that a teenage girl was in residence. It panned slowy across the room and revealed a young Paige, twelve, maybe thirteen years old, hard at work studying in her room. She flipped the pages in the book before her distractedly.
"I hate homework," she groused quietly.
Doors slammed and feet ran down the hall outside her room.
"'If A is equal to but not less than B which is more than C, and C is equal to D which is less than F and F equals three, what is the most A can be?' AAAAAAAAH! Who makes up this crap?"
Paige’s voice trailed off as her agitation grews more pronounced. Through the thin walls of the house a heavy beat could be heard. She slammed the book shut and threw it at a wall.
Jubilee’s face split into a smug grin. “Temper, temper Paige! I knew that whole studyin’ thing was an act.”
“Paaaaiiiiiige! Stop poundin’ on the wall!”
“Sorry ‘Lizabeth!” Paige hollered. She turned back to the rest if her books and began to grumble. “Not.”
The door was abruptly flung open and a handful of young, yellow-headed Guthries burst into the room. Yelling and screaming loudly, they swarmed over Paige, her desk and her bed before racing out back out. Paige dropped her head onto her desk.
"Maybe if the school mysteriously…disappeared…I wouldn't have to take this test."
An amused voice sounded from the doorway. "Maybe, but I doubt it'll happen."
Head still buried in her arms Paige growled. "Don't be so sure of that." She looked up and grined widely. "Sam! When'd you get back?"
Sam shuffled over to her bed and sat down. "A minute ag- Oof!" Paige launched herself at him, knocking him backward with an exuberant hug. Formalities out of the way, she promptly sat on his stomach in an attempt to pin him. "Now you're gonna tell me ever'thin' that you've been doin' with the New Mutants an' the X-Men an'…" Her voice degenerated into a high-pitched squeal as Sam began to tickle her.
"That's all you ever wanna hear about. Ain't you supposed to be studyin'?"
"Nah. I’m gonna be an X-Man some day, y’know."
“Are you now? And you don't have to study for that?”
“Well, I figure since they took you, they must not.”
Sam lunged at Paige, and the scene faded to white.
Words began to flash across the screen.
Jubilee squinted and leaned forward. “The…biosphere…is…a…completely…” She was barely done with the first sentance when the words disappeared as a page was turned. She scrunched her features together as she tried to read the new set of words when a large hand descended upon the screen, obscuring them. he camera angle shifted and Cassidy’s face loomed large over the audience.
“Now lass, ye cain’t be studyin’ all the time. Put that down now and have some fun wi’ the rest of the students.”
“Yessir.” Paige's voice resonated through the theater as onscreen her hands shut the book and set it down.
“God, sound happy about it whydon’tcha?” Jubes cracked her gum and propped her feet up once again.
Cassidy moved out of Paige’s line of sight to reveal a rec room filled with the students. Her eyes settled on Everett sitting on the couch with Jubilee draped over him. Ev had an amused look on his face as Jubilee batted her eyelashes outrageously at him.
Jubilee's jaw dropped and she launched herself out of her seat. “I do not do that! Oh, you are so gonna get it. when I see you, Guthrie..”
Paige’s attention drifted from the seated pair to the other side of the room to where Jono was attempting to teach Angelo how to play guitar. The panicked light in Jono’s eyes contrasted sharply with the devilish look in Angelo’s.
::Easy now..:: Jono took the guitar and deftly plucked out a few notes before handing it back to Angelo. ::Just like that. Now you try it.::
Angelo attacked the instrument, enthusiastically twanging the strings.
Jono reached for it, alarmed ::Hold up a second..::
Ange drew back one of the strings sharply. It snapped, slapping the teen across the chin. “Ow!” The guitar went tumbling to the ground.
::Shite!:: Jono dived after it.
“Damn cheap things…”
::Plonker::
“It cut me!”
Floating a bit behind the two boys, Monet was quietly mimicking their expressions and bursting into silent laughter. No one in the room appeared to notice her behavior.
The sight was enough to halt Jubilee’s continued tirade against Paige. “…and another thing! If anyone should be pointing fingers, who’s the one who’s been chasing after Sparky, eh?” She paused to take a breath and gawk at the screen for a moment. “Holy- look at Miss Prim an’ Perfect! Why didn’t the Hayseed tell anyone about that?”
Onscreen Monet quickly quieted herself...and promptly burst out into a loud fit of giggles. Everyone in the room turned to look at her. Quickly collecting herself, Monet darted from the room. Sean stumbled back onto the scene with the two little ones strapped to his legs, a pained expression on his face.
Paige laughed.
Jono came up beside her, hand outstretched. ::C’mon gel, Want to try?::
Paige's small hand was engulfed in his large one.
A conspiratorial glint lit his eye, ::I bet your better than Ange.::
“Who isn’t?”
"I heard that!"
The camera went in for an extreme closeup of their joined hands only to pan back to reveal a tired, little Paige, cowered in a corner of one of the classrooms. Her back against the wall, she stared up at the massive books and desks with something akin to desperation.
“What if I’m not good enough? If I can’t do this? I can’t be a leader. Let M do it. Monet’s perfect. She’s the perfect little mutant. What kind of lame power do I have? ‘Oh yeah, Paige can rip off her skin." She let out a hysterical laugh. "Woo hoo. Monet can fly, read minds and oh, hey, let’s not forget she’s invulnerable and super-smart too.’ God, I’m so pathetic. Just an wannabe. Loser, loser, loser.”
She slid to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest. “I’m so damn scared…” she sobbed.
A pair of hands gently picked her up off of the floor and cradled her in them.
The scene shifted and Angelo was holding Paige in his arms while her face was buried in his shoulder, crying uncontrollably.
“Shhh. It’ll be okay, Paige. Everything will be fine.” His voice carried through the theater.
Paige clutched herself to him tightly as he continued to hold her and stroke her hair as the screen slowly faded out.
“All will be well, querida, don’t cry...”
“Well, that was different.” Jubilee dropped her head onto her chin and gazed at the screen as it faded out and began to show a scene from Paige’s childhood that apparently involved one of her millions of siblings and a bag of peppermint candy.
“Looks like Senora Frost went to bed with a bottle again.”
Jubilee twisted around in her seat to see Angelo lounging in the row behind her. “What?”
Ange grinned. “Emma. Jim Beam. It seems Ms. Frost can’t hold her liquor as well as she used to. The last time she did I got dragged into Ev’s head for the night.” He gestured at the screen. “I take it we’re in the Country Mouse’s mind?”
“Yeah.” Jubilee looked thoughtful for a moment.” Jim Beam? Get out. I thought she’d drink something more… you know...” She gestured with her hand, “ Something ritzier.”
He shook his head. “Nah, she’s just like the rest of us. When it comes down to it.”
“Oh. So does this kind of thing happen often?”
“Often enough I guess. Like I said, I was trapped in Ev’s mind a few months ago. Jono spent some time with Senor Cassidy a few months before that. Said that was a strange trip." Angelo shrugged, unconcerned. "We’ll get kicked out when Paige wakes up.” He leaned forward and smiled at her conspiratorially as young Paige started bawling, “So, have you seen anything good?”
Jubilee raised an eyebrow and gave Ange a speculative look. “’Bout you or in general?”
Angelo flushed slightly and began to bluster, “Hah. Yeah. Sure. In general. Y’know, some good blackmail material to get Paige with.”
“Umhm.” Jubilee rolled her eyes. “Lemme think about that.”
The two sat in silence as a seven-year-old Paige bounced across the screen talking to some person-flower-fairy hybrid.
Ange stifled a laugh. “That counts.”
“Yeah,” Jubilee agreed. “So Ange,” she said casually.
“Yeah, Jubes?”
“Didja see anything interestin’ in Everett’s mind?”
“Not a chance, chica.”
“Damn.”
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